Six Tips for Explaining War to Children

In an ever-changing world, parents and educators are too often faced with explaining complex and challenging events to children. And perhaps nothing is more difficult to explain than violence, particularly war and armed conflict.

Marsha Richardson, Director of Penn GSE’s School and Mental Health Counseling Program, says that adults must help bridge the gap, offering support and understanding as school-age children navigate and process world events in a healthy and constructive way.

Richardson offers the following tips for parents and caregivers.

Six Conversation Tips

First, do some self-reflection

Before trying to talk a child through this, take the time to self-reflect on your emotional state and your political, moral and religious views. Doing this ahead of time helps you avoid figuring it out for yourself in front of them, which is very important to younger children. Parents, in particular, should strive to remember they are the model for their child’s emotional regulation.

Keep the child’s age in mind

When dealing with conversations around such complex situations, it’s easy to forget the age of your audience. As you approach talking about the war with a child, consider their age and developmental stage — and respond to their questions and comments accordingly. To use an ongoing conflict example, an age-appropriate response for elementary school students about why Russia and Ukraine are fighting could be, “They are fighting to figure out who’s in charge of the country.” The response to that question for an older child could be, “They are fighting to gain power over a country that has a unique position in world politics.”

Remember, too, that the child’s age could determine the nature of their concerns. For example, younger children may focus more on safety and security issues, primarily for themselves and their loved ones. At the same time, middle schoolers may be more focused on factual information, and high schoolers will have begun assimilating the values of caregivers, school, peers and media.

Get out in front of misinformation or biases

For children of all ages, be sure to ask them what they know. Correct any misinformation or negative generalizations they may have — and provide them with the truth and context they need. Convey that those generalizations are particularly hurtful for some of their class- or schoolmates.

Consider limiting news consumption

Parents of younger children should limit their child’s access to news coverage of the war. While older children might be better equipped to deal with the shocking imagery of televised war coverage, you should still sit down with them and help them process what they hear and see.

Look for changes in behavior

Caregivers should also pay attention to any regressive behaviors that might manifest, as some children won’t be able to articulate their stress over what’s happening. Things to look for include thumb-sucking, requesting to sleep in your bed, increased tearfulness, a drop in grades or somatic complaints like headaches, stomachaches and sleeplessness. Maintain an open line of communication with your child’s school, teachers, and counselors if you suspect behavioral changes are impacting your child’s learning and interpersonal relationships.

Don’t be afraid to reach out

Finally, seek support within your personal and professional spheres to help you manage your distress. If you’re having trouble processing things emotionally, it’s more than likely your children or students are, or will, be impacted.

Marsha Richardson is a clinical psychologist, senior lecturer, and the director of Penn GSE’s School and Mental Health Counseling Program.

Excerpted from “Six tips for explaining war to children” in The Educator’s Playbook from the University of Pennsylvania Graduate School of Education. Read the full article online.

Source: University of Pennsylvania Graduate School of Education | Six tips for explaining war to children, https://www.gse.upenn.edu/news/educators-playbook/6-tips-explaining-war-children | © 2023 Penn Graduate School of Education. Published October 10, 2023. Retrieved October 30, 2023.

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